Monday, July 26, 2010

Best Laid Plans: The Gasp List: Part 1

I have gratefully surrounded myself with good friends. They are loyal, funny, smart, fun and... honest. Many of you know my good friend, Alicia - who also happens to be my boss at On the Leesh Productions. Alicia and I have had a surprisingly easy time navigating the sometimes uncomfortable waters of a friend/boss relationship. We both have a work voice and a friend voice, and have keen ears to which is being used when. So it was to my surprise when, during a "friend conversation" Boss Alicia came out and commanded that I cease... gasping.

Yes, you've read that correctly. She commanded that I cease gasping. Now, I'm sure you're not surprised that I'm a gasper. Most who know me know that I have a flare for drama at times, and have had the occasion to react to something with a slight intake of breath... a gasp, if you will. Call it my dramatic outlet.

Back to the story at hand. One evening, Alicia and I were discussing I can't remember what, when she pointed to a long movie line that went around the corner. In reaction to said long line, I gasped.

After said gasp, Alicia promptly announced that she and I were in dire need of a gasp-appropriateness discussion. Apparently a long movie line is not gasp worthy and my throwing inhalations around like such cheap trash has brought on Alicia's ire.

About one week later, I received an email with the following subject line: THE GASP LIST. The body of the email contained two lists: Gasp Worthy and Not Gasp Worthy.

If you, like me, have a dramatic flare for things... I present you with Part 1 of your Gasp List Guide from my boss/friend combo, Alicia.

THE GASP LIST, Part 1 (written by Alicia, for Julie)

1. if i walk out of my office with stigmata

2. if you woke up pregnant tomorrow (i get to gasp)

3. if Russell Crowe comes out of the closet

4. if your dog, Dyna-Dog starts speaking Arabic

5. if your cat, Olivia runs up a $5,000 pay-per-porn charge on your cable box

6. if while sky diving with me, my shoot doesn't open

7. if Labron James announces that he moved to miami to join the ballet

8. setting eyebrows on fire

9. seeing Baryshnikov fall out of a pirouette

10. finding out Santa is not real

THE NOT GASP WORTHY LIST, Part 1 (by Alicia, written for Julie)

1. traffic

2. not getting the right salad dressing

3. out of toilet paper

4. hearing Bad Romance four times in one-hour on the radio

5. seeing R-Patz

( i will however allow a gasp if you see r-pats, coach mark wahlberg, george clooney, leo, riggins and paul newman (circa exodus) all playing basketball as skins against the harlem globetrotters (yes even the fictional characters and the dead guy must be present to warrant a full gasp)

6. burning toast

7. a run in your panty hose

8. learning that it's a small world is not running - it always gets backed up

( i will however allow a gasp if the only working ride were the wed way people mover)

9. if i pee my pants on Kingda Ka - have you seen that ride?

10. if you meet the real life Cullens (no one would believe you, so don't waste a gasp)

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